Make a Lasting Impression

People tend to worry about eye contact most in situations where they’re concerned about making a good impression on someone else, like first dates and job interviews. Even someone who has a natural aptitude for using an appropriate amount of eye contact can overthink these situations and end up sending a false message by staring or avoiding the other person’s gaze altogether.

Eye contact is tricky in the early stages of dating because even though you may be incredibly interested in everything your date is saying, you don’t want to come across as being over-the-edge-of-sanity interested (having a tendency toward developing obsessions, in other words). Use normal eye contact in the beginning stages (hold the gaze for a few seconds, look away, repeat), until your date ‘s body language (he’s moving closer and closer to you, he reaches to take your hand, he’s smilling nonstop) indicates that he’s really into you.

And how about that eye contact in a job interview? The same rules apply. Steady, consistent eye contact combined with well-timed breaks can work wonders for your overall image, especially since so many other interviewees don’t know what to do with their their eyeballs in this situation. The general recommendation is that you hold eye contact for no longer than five seconds before glancing away.

Fact:
Communicating at eye level establishes an equal relationship. Standing above someone while you’re literally talking down at him puts you in a position of being superior; looking up while someone browbeats you put in an inferior position.

Handshakes

A handshake says so much about us: a handshake can have a lasting effect on the impression we make on others and the degree to which they find us attractive.

When you greet someone do you shake hands with confidence or doubt? There’s no need to squeeze the life out of another person’s hand in order to impress them with your status. Similarly, shaking hands so limply that it feels as if your arm is dead is not going to give anyone the idea that you’re anything but wet. Look at your hands and nails for a minute.

• What do they say about you?

•  How big are they?

• What shape are they?

• How rough or soft is the skin of your palms?

• What temperature are they?

• Are they damp, and are you aware of how this changes depending on your state of emotional arousal?

•  Are your nails clean and cut into a clear shape or are they dirty?

• Do you bite them?

Numerous experiments have been carried out by psychologists into the effects of various styles of handshake. By far the most favourable first impression made by both men and women was when the handshake lasted five seconds and was firm without being uncomfortable. Furthermore, a dry palm makes a better impression as a sweaty palm may signify nervousness. This combined with assured eye contact, a slight smile towards the middle of the handshake moving to a wider smile at the last stage of the handshake and a small tilt of the head to one side, forms the ultimate positive impression.

Research shows that people of high status tend to shake hands with their palm facing downwards. People with less concerned with power tend to offer a hand in which the thumb is on top and may have less need of domination.

 

Shaking hands with a stranger is surprisingly intimate. Actually feeling the other person, we make instant judgments about their character and status. Unconsciously we reveal our desire to dominate by placing our thumb on top. The two-handshake can be used to communicate genuine warmth and affection but it is more often perceived as being creepy and typical of politicians concerned to ‘appear’ sincere.