Baby and Toddler Body Language: Get A Grip

When first born, a baby will often keep his hands tightly clenched or wrapped tightly around any finger within reach. This is an instinctive response and will fade in time. As they grow, children become more in control of their movements and young infants are often fascinated with their own hands. By watching your child's hands, it is possible to read their mood. for example, a relaxed and happy child will have relaxed and open hands. Should he become upset or angry, his hands will become rigid with his fingers extended.

The grasping reflex in newborn babies is surprisingly strong. The grip can be so firm that it is possible to lift the baby in the air as they steadfastly cling to your fingers. Although it is tempting to test this particular reflex, a word of warning: As with most instinctive newborn reactions, this fades very quickly. A tightly clinging baby one day could become a falling one the next.

On The Side

If you want to appear to be really, truly listening to someone else, angling the head to the side is a move you'll want to add to your bag of body language tricks. When you employ this gesture, you appear to be lifting  an ear, as though to say, "I'm doing everything I can to take in each and every word that comes out of your mouth." It doesn't matter which way you angle your head - left or right works equally well. And keep in mind, this is just a slight angling of your noggin; you're not trying to touch one ear to your shoulder in an effort to prove that you can hear just fine out of the other one.

Although this gesture is used to emphasize listening skills, it's also employed when people are expressing sympathy. You might see someone say, "I'm so sorry" as her head tilts to the side. What's this all about? Are these people offering - nonverbally- to listen to the other person's troubles? Sort of, but in this case, the head tilt is more a way of showing that you feel for the other person's pain without making it your own.

The head tilt can also come in handy if you want to appear innocent. Let's say your husband has accused you of scratching his beloved motorcycle. You honestly had nothing to do with the damage to his bike. You're upset and feeling more than a little defensive - two emotions that could easily lead to you throwing your head back in an effort to appear rather dominant. While you're well within your rights to express your indignation, your real goal is to end the fight before it goes too far. To defuse the situation quickly, try angling your head to the side while you stick to your story. You'll appear much more innocent (which you are, after all), and this might be all it takes to convince your mate that he's got it all wrong.

Angling your head to the side is another way to play the cutesy, coy card with a member of the opposite sex. Not only does this gesture make you appear innocent and harmless, it's also a good way to show that you're a good listener.

Slightly tilting your head to the side indicates that you're absorbed in a conversation and are listening intently to the other person.

Shifting Seats

Is it possible to tell from a person's midsection that she is feeling anxious? What do you look for - a tightening of the stomach, or rhythm of a heart pounding so hard you can see the person's chest pulsating? While these are genuine ways to read high levels of anxiety, you'd have to be pretty darn close to a person to assess these types of changes. There's an easier way to tell from the torso if someone's feeling uncomfortable: Watch how she moves in her seat.

At some point, you've no doubt seen a woman receiving unwanted attention from a man in a social setting. If the woman is seated, she might appear to sink back into her seat (if the guy is in front of her), or slide her torso off to the side. What she's really doing is curving her spine away from the guy in an attempt to increase the space between herself and him.

Shifting the spine away from a person you'd rather not deal with is akin to angling (turning) yourself in the opposite direction. Both carry the same message: go away. Even if the shifter remains polite, her spine is telling you all you need to know - she hasn't been won over, and it's not likely she's going to change her mind.

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

 

 
Amy Cuddy wasn’t supposed to become a successful scientist. In fact, she wasn’t even supposed to finish her undergraduate degree. Early in her college career, Cuddy suffered a severe head injury in a car accident, and doctors said she would struggle to fully regain her mental capacity and finish her undergraduate degree.
But she proved them wrong. Today, Cuddy is a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School, where she studies how nonverbal behavior and snap judgments affect people from the classroom to the boardroom. And her training as a classical dancer (another skill she regained after her injury) is evident in her fascinating work on "power posing" -- how your body position influences others and even your own brain.

"Using a few simple tweaks to body language, Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy discovers ways to help people become more powerful."

TIME Game Changers, March 19, 2012

Modern Etiquette In Greetings

August 7, 2012

Different cultures have different greetings, here are some tips on meeting people from varied cultures.

By Mary M. Mitchell

My friend and sculling coach Gabi Cipollone won her first Olympic gold medal as a teenager from East Germany in Montreal back in 1976.

Four years later in Moscow, she won her second, barely having recovered from back surgery. What’s more, her first Olympic race made sports history as the first year women were allowed to compete in sculling events. Awesome, isn’t it?

I once asked Gabi what it was like to participate in the Games. Surely she’d tell me about the intensity of competition; the pressure to perform; and the thrill of just being an Olympian, win or lose.

Wrong. Gabi’s quick reply was: “I’d never seen Chinese food before; or people from India, South Africa, or Bermuda.” All of a sudden the world seemed overwhelmingly huge, and it was all contained in a few buildings at Olympic Village.

“Wait until after your race to try your first hamburger,” her coach cautioned. The world of culinary adventure would have to wait. But meeting new people from other nations certainly could not. That, too, proved to be quite an adventure.

The first instinct for many North Americans, whether athletes or businesspeople,when greeting someone is to stick out our hand, look directly at the other person, and smile.

Unfortunately, in some situations, this could mean making three mistakes all at once. Methods and styles of greeting vary greatly around the world, as do dining customs, and it is important to know what is expected in differing circumstances.

After all, it’s the moment of greeting when crucial first impressions are made.

Here are some tips on meeting people from varied cultures, whether you’re at the Olympics, at an international business conference, meeting new classmates, or on vacation:

— When greeting Asians for the first time, it is a good general rule not to initiate the handshake. You may be forcing physical contact that the other person finds uncomfortable. Many Asians, particularly the Japanese, have learned to accept the handshake when dealing with Westerners. Since the bow is the customary greeting in Japan, a slight bow of the head when responding to a proffered handshake greeting is appropriate.

— Most Latins are more accustomed to physical contact. Even people who know each other only slightly may embrace as a greeting.

— As for the Middle East, Muslims and Orthodox Jews avoid body contact with the opposite sex, but people of the same sex commonly hug when greeting each other. When shaking hands, men should be careful not to pull their hands away too quickly.

— People from France, Spain, Italy and Portugal greet friends by kissing on both cheeks.

— The smile is the near-universal gesture of friendliness, and, in America, its meaning is usually clear. In other cultures, the smile may be sending other signals. In some Latin cultures, for example, the smile may be used to say “Excuse me,” or “Please.”

— If a person from another culture does not return your greeting smile, it doesn’t indicate hostility or bad manners. In some Asian cultures, smiling is a gesture reserved for informal occasions, and smiling while being formally introduced would be considered disrespectful.

— In many cultures, avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect. This can lead to misunderstandings. For example, there have been many cases of customers in the United States deciding they are being treated disrespectfully by Korean shopkeepers who would not look them in the eye.

Gabi moved from the global village of the Olympics to another, larger melting pot when she came to live in the United States. She felt that her experience being immersed in a variety of cultures served her well.

She offers the following advice: “Keep in mind how important it is to be kind. Don’t be too embarrassed by your mistakes. Forgive others’ mistakes easily. Be willing to set aside your own ideas about what is `right’ and approach new situations with curiosity and an open mind.”

All of us would do well to put these principles into practice, whether inside or outside the Olympic Village.

(Mary M. Mitchell has written several books on the subject of etiquette, including "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette" and "Class Acts." She is also the founder of executive training consultancy The Mitchell Organization with the website themitchellorganization.com. The opinions expressed are her own.)

-Reuters

 

Open Gestures and Smiles

Open body gestures and welcoming smiles are great ways to attract person into our own personal space – simply by making it inviting

Use open body gestures to create open territory lines which someone will be attracted to move in principle it means we should create the illusion of being a rewarding door at the end of a triangle-shaped corridor towards which people will automatically be drawn. We want people to feel that the door at the end of the door is inviting, tempting, exciting, and maybe even a little dangerous. Simultaneously we can give out warm rays of sunlight into which people wish to step. Being in the rays makes them feel good, and in feeling good they are more attracted to the source of smiles, plenty of open gestures, inviting body postures and a quieter rather than loud voice.

If you decide to invade someone’s personal space you must override their fear or anger responses by giving them a high dose of positive non-verbal messages. You should move towards them slowly and gently, exchanging brief bursts of eye contact interspersed with lowered eyes, all the time punctuated with a symmetrical smile and small nodding and encouraging movements of the every five seconds or so. Meanwhile, keep your hands open and expressive and your attitude light and easy rather than intense.

When you speak, ask questions, listen to their answers, be positive, flattering, warm and complementary about them, their tastes, their home – whatever your complement, they must know your words are really meant for them. Smiles elicit smiles. If you can get someone to open up with a smile their body language and unconscious feelings will soon follow. When we smile, our mood immediately lifts. With an elevated mood comes relaxation and pleasure.

How to tell if someone likes you - Robert Phipps