The Wandering Eye: Breaking Eye Contact

Avoiding or breaking eye contact can indicate a variety of things. In many instances, it’s a sign of submission or discomfort. Although your instinct may be to run away from unpleasant situations or feelings, fleeing in panic isn’t really an option in everyday life because as humans, we aim to cooperate. (Unless, of course, the other person is threatening physical violence, in which case you run in the opposite direction as fast as your legs can take you!) On the other hand, at times avoiding someone’s gaze gives you a great deal of strength, appeal, and allure. It’s all a matter of whose eyes you’re avoiding and how you do it that creates the effect and determines the response. The following are the common reasons why humans avoid eye contact, knowingly or not:

• To ‘flee’ from an encounter: Evading someone’s glance, gaze, or stare is a defensive, protective action. It’s a form of fleeing from an interaction that stirs up in you a ‘fight or flight’ response. When you think you’re going to lose – whether it’s an argument or gaining someone’s attention – you unconsciously withdraw from the encounter by pulling your eyes away. Looking away from another person, avoiding someone’s gaze, and averting your eyes makes you look smaller. People who feel uncomfortable unconsciously make rapid and frequent eye movements, indicating that they’d rather scuttle away than stay where they are.

• As a sign of submission: When you look away from a person who makes you feel ill at ease you’re relinquishing your power and giving it over to that person.

• To avoid confrontation: As soon as a sign of confrontation appears, anxious people reduce the amount of time they spend looking at the person with whom they’re disagreeing. When you’re feeling anxious you avoid looking at another person. Your eyes search for escape routes where you can in effect hide from what’s going on rather than seek a solution. When it looks as if trouble’s brewing between two people and you sense one of them is going to lose, don’t be surprised if you see that person avert her gaze to remove the dominant person from sight.

• As a sign of uncomfortable feelings: People who are feeling ashamed, embarrassed, or sad, deliberately look away.

• To prompt another person’s attention: Pulling your eyes away from someone can show that you’re interested in her. This behaviour is part of the flirtation process and encourages the other person to go after you. If you do withdraw your eyes for this purpose make sure that you look back frequently.

Other titles about eye contacts