Eyes and Emotion

Eye contact is not the same as your eyes’ response to emotional stimuli. Your eyes’ response to emotions or outside stimuli, such as tearing up at a sad movie, cannot be easily manipulated, but eye contact can be. It takes little effort to shift your eyes away or look your gaze.

Your emotional eye responses, such as tearing up, can elicit a similar reaction in another person. Research has shown that prolonged direct eye contact can actually increase another person’s heat rate and speed of breathing. In extreme cases, acceleration in breathing and change in heart rate can leave a person hyper-ventilating or with a “fluttery” feeling, not unlike the feeling of falling in love. No coincidence, since one of the behaviours of the early stages of love is direct and prolonged eye contact.

Genders, cultures, and groups view eye contact frequently. Direct and prolonged eye contact is more prevalent in Western cultures and is seen as a sign of respect when talking to a person in a superior position. In Eastern cultures, however, it can be a sign of disrespect to look directly at a superior. Although this is changing, make note to understand the different norms regarding eye contact when meeting people from other countries and cultures. Businesses also have cultures. Eye contact norms can vary with all types of cultures.

Women typically hold eye contact longer than men. The more intimate the conversation, the longer the direct eye contact. As mentioned earlier, direct, prolonged eye contact elevates the heart rate. Between men the elevated heart rate can give a false sense of confrontation, aggression, or not being safe. If you have a hard time building rapport with a man, try standing side by side- both of you facing forward- looking and talking out into the foreground or down to the ground in an aw-shucks*, just-two-guys kicking-dirt position. This position when other attempts at rapport have failed.

The most important thing to remember is to always watch for cues from the other person or the group to understand when and how much eye contact to see how long it is comfortable for both parties. With a bit of practice it becomes natural. When the communication is friendly, and all signs are positive, eye contact comes and goes naturally.

Making comfortable eye contact while talking shows composure and conveys that you are paying attention, especially when you accompany it with a gentle nod. Look away from time to time, even if it’s at the floor, to make the communication seem more natural. Extended eye contact can mean there is either a strong interest or worry about safety. Since the same behaviour can mean multiple things, we must rely on other factors to have a true understanding of how much eye contact is appropriate. The boss has much more latitude with extended eye contact, or lack thereof, than the employee. The higher an individual’s status, the more latitude they have in breaking the social norms, especially facial expressions, including eye contact.

aw-shucks* - seeming to be modest, self-deprecating, or shy