Eyes and Emotion

Eye contact is not the same as your eyes’ response to emotional stimuli. Your eyes’ response to emotions or outside stimuli, such as tearing up at a sad movie, cannot be easily manipulated, but eye contact can be. It takes little effort to shift your eyes away or look your gaze.

Your emotional eye responses, such as tearing up, can elicit a similar reaction in another person. Research has shown that prolonged direct eye contact can actually increase another person’s heat rate and speed of breathing. In extreme cases, acceleration in breathing and change in heart rate can leave a person hyper-ventilating or with a “fluttery” feeling, not unlike the feeling of falling in love. No coincidence, since one of the behaviours of the early stages of love is direct and prolonged eye contact.

Genders, cultures, and groups view eye contact frequently. Direct and prolonged eye contact is more prevalent in Western cultures and is seen as a sign of respect when talking to a person in a superior position. In Eastern cultures, however, it can be a sign of disrespect to look directly at a superior. Although this is changing, make note to understand the different norms regarding eye contact when meeting people from other countries and cultures. Businesses also have cultures. Eye contact norms can vary with all types of cultures.

Women typically hold eye contact longer than men. The more intimate the conversation, the longer the direct eye contact. As mentioned earlier, direct, prolonged eye contact elevates the heart rate. Between men the elevated heart rate can give a false sense of confrontation, aggression, or not being safe. If you have a hard time building rapport with a man, try standing side by side- both of you facing forward- looking and talking out into the foreground or down to the ground in an aw-shucks*, just-two-guys kicking-dirt position. This position when other attempts at rapport have failed.

The most important thing to remember is to always watch for cues from the other person or the group to understand when and how much eye contact to see how long it is comfortable for both parties. With a bit of practice it becomes natural. When the communication is friendly, and all signs are positive, eye contact comes and goes naturally.

Making comfortable eye contact while talking shows composure and conveys that you are paying attention, especially when you accompany it with a gentle nod. Look away from time to time, even if it’s at the floor, to make the communication seem more natural. Extended eye contact can mean there is either a strong interest or worry about safety. Since the same behaviour can mean multiple things, we must rely on other factors to have a true understanding of how much eye contact is appropriate. The boss has much more latitude with extended eye contact, or lack thereof, than the employee. The higher an individual’s status, the more latitude they have in breaking the social norms, especially facial expressions, including eye contact.

aw-shucks* - seeming to be modest, self-deprecating, or shy

   

Facial Expressions Are Universal

Humans have evolved certain facial expressions that are so universal that all but the least perspective individuals can recognise them.' This is quoted from a book 'The Body Language Handbook: How To Read Everyone's Hidden Thoughts And Intentions' written by Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch. In the book, it mentioned that each universal expression has degrees and the differences characteristics combine with slightly different mental states to cause variations.

This is why certain expressions fall into the category of “universal” is based on research with diverse populations. The most well-known researches were conducted by Paul Ekman of the Human Interaction Laboratory at University of California's School of Medicine supported the observation that certain facial expressions are universal. The common expressions included in his work “Facial Expressions and Emotion: An Controversy and New Findings” are disgust, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and enjoyment (or happiness). Later, he added in contempt, pride, uncertainty and embarrassment. People try to mask them, but they still come out. As humans, we have a natural ability to interpret that base body language. Whether the constrained body language is a personal choice or cultural is a tough call by looking at one person. Biology and bone structure often play as big part as culture.

Bodies adapt to what we do. A long-distance runner who decides to take up weight training and become a competitive bodybuilder has to make adjustments in the way muscles are used – to recondition them the way you would tune a piano. When the wires become accustomed to holding one shape, the piano tuner has a big job: He has to come back repeatedly to condition the wires to stay in tune. The same thing happens with your face. Muscle memory kicks in and dictates how you use it, and shows all the world how you have used it in the past.

Of all the facial expression listed – disgust, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, happiness, contempt and pride – can you recall any of them?

Try look at these photos. What do you see in common?

All three of the photos have a clear, external focus, raised chin and set mouth that suggests pride. A look of pride can be associated with both positive and negative situations, but the emotion is the same. When a police officer confronts a gang member in front of his buddies, the gang member will stand indignantly, raise his head, and flash pride. It maybe just be the pride of “I got your attention.” But in the photo on the right, the kid is showing pride after doing something his parents are proud of. Both are pride rooted in accomplishment and acknowledgement.

Even someone who knows you well and feels comfortable with you will occasionally show some of the same signs of uncertainty that a stranger, or someone unfamiliar with your culture, will show. You can surprise him or her with a request or ask for her opinion on a topic that causes anxiety.

For example, you were asked to participate in a lucky draw contest by an unknown event representative while walking in the shopping mall. Obviously, you would have no idea of what the contest was all about. You would most likely to give a look of uncertainty. While she explained the process to you, you could probably be interpreting what she said and trying to organise the information so that you could be ready to participate.

With some emotions, you don't even need the whole face. The eyes say it all. It's all part of why for generations we have been quoting the proverb “the eyes are the windows to the soul.”

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